Problems Faced in a Marriage Today
We all fall prey to moments when adult self restraint goes out the window in retaliation for being "the good victim." Still it's no accident that if we are likely to "lose it" on a regular basis we probably have found partners that have a mutual need to accommodate us because they too either "lose it" frequently or also have vested interests in being victims. Hopefully, when calmer heads prevail we are able to recognize the error of our ways.
If you want to know all you'll ever have to know why it is so valuable to offer our children and ourselves time outs when we become nothing more than a feeling or a belief, please reflect on what I have been communicating over the preceding paragraphs. When we lose the ability to temporarily exercise benevolent authority over ourselves and our children, it is because of the fact that in the heat of the moment we degrade ourselves and our loved ones and replay the story of the consumer and the vending machine.
It only takes one degree of separation between the other person and ourselves, and one degree of separation between our beliefs and feelings, and our self reflective capacities to restore safety, security, peace and serenity to our lives and our relationships. That one degree of separation permits us to remind ourselves that just because someone labels us "X" or we label ourselves "Y" it doesn't make it so. Therefore, none of us deserve the treatment we subject ourselves to. We are never as wonderful or horrible as we sometimes feel or believe about ourselves. The same pertains to others. No one deserves to be put on pedestals at others' expense and no one deserves to be attacked and degraded.
Honor yourselves and your loved ones with regular time outs for self reflection. Most definitely, learn in the heat of the moment to retreat and simply sit and wait for the flood waters of intense emotion to recede before reengaging with a loved one. Once we regain our capacities to make a space to examine what's going on between us and others and what is being reactivated inside ourselves we can then rediscover and appreciate ourselves and others as individuals rich in complexity with intrinsic value that cannot be wiped away. That intrinsic value is part and parcel of the potential to create meaningful changes. Regulating self esteem requires active thinking on our parts. We must remind ourselves that we have over arching value to ourselves and others no matter what might be happening in any particular moment. If we are behave like vending machines more often than not and can't get a handle on what to do to change this pattern then, we owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to give psychotherapy a try. It may be a new lease on life for many of us.
If you want to know all you'll ever have to know why it is so valuable to offer our children and ourselves time outs when we become nothing more than a feeling or a belief, please reflect on what I have been communicating over the preceding paragraphs. When we lose the ability to temporarily exercise benevolent authority over ourselves and our children, it is because of the fact that in the heat of the moment we degrade ourselves and our loved ones and replay the story of the consumer and the vending machine.
It only takes one degree of separation between the other person and ourselves, and one degree of separation between our beliefs and feelings, and our self reflective capacities to restore safety, security, peace and serenity to our lives and our relationships. That one degree of separation permits us to remind ourselves that just because someone labels us "X" or we label ourselves "Y" it doesn't make it so. Therefore, none of us deserve the treatment we subject ourselves to. We are never as wonderful or horrible as we sometimes feel or believe about ourselves. The same pertains to others. No one deserves to be put on pedestals at others' expense and no one deserves to be attacked and degraded.
Honor yourselves and your loved ones with regular time outs for self reflection. Most definitely, learn in the heat of the moment to retreat and simply sit and wait for the flood waters of intense emotion to recede before reengaging with a loved one. Once we regain our capacities to make a space to examine what's going on between us and others and what is being reactivated inside ourselves we can then rediscover and appreciate ourselves and others as individuals rich in complexity with intrinsic value that cannot be wiped away. That intrinsic value is part and parcel of the potential to create meaningful changes. Regulating self esteem requires active thinking on our parts. We must remind ourselves that we have over arching value to ourselves and others no matter what might be happening in any particular moment. If we are behave like vending machines more often than not and can't get a handle on what to do to change this pattern then, we owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to give psychotherapy a try. It may be a new lease on life for many of us.
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